Home is where the heart is

Word has reached The Antagonist that Prince William has chosen a young people's homelessness charity as the first to which he will be a patron.

"Hello homeless person. I'm William from Buckingham Palace, the world's biggest and oldest DOSSHOUSE. It's a rather jolly place but sometimes the soups are a bit salty."

Whatever next?

Maybe he'll persuade his nan to give the fucking land back.

If The Antagonist has anything to do with brokering the deal, she can keep the swans.

[Fade to soft-focus shot of a scruffy looking queen staggering around the streets of WC1 (ho ho ho, WC One / One's WC, ho ho ho) clutching a bottle of cheap cider and trailing a bit of string attached to a scruffy looking swan.]